Cheltenham - Other Pubs

Come to Cheltenham, get drunk, take your top off, and let someone stand on your back (Review submitted by someone with no name). This pub is a five minute walk from Cheltenham train station, just up the Queen's Road and five minutes from the ghetto of Mentpellier - the worst area of town by far. Anyway, this pub used to attract the old people when it was 'The Lansdown'. Then it attracted the best people when it was 'The Rat And Carrot', for those of you who are local it was all the Bournesiders from 1995 to 1997. Then it became the Dog And Donut, very briefly, and it generally attracted scum. Now it is the Rattle And Hum. With a fresh coat of paint and pool table (at a pound a game) it claims to be a 'dedicated student venue'. They got rid of the free play duke box and the (built like brick shithouse) bouncers. Yet after this terrible change I still drink there because I really like it. There is nearly always a good atmosphere and on hot days there is a lovely concrete beer garden. Bring your family, bring your friends and long live the Kinks!

THE RETREAT (Tivoli)

Is this the best pub in Gloucestershire? It surely must be! It is the place to go if you want to see great sport stars, both past and present, downing alcohol until they drop. Regulars include England and Gloucester Rugby Club players Rob Fiddler and Tom Beim. The Retreat serves a fine collection of high alcoholic substances. The drink to try has to be Jaegermister. Working through the top rack in one sitting can be either a particularly delightful experience or not, depending on whether the Balti Walla has been visited prior to commencing. The barmaids who are carefully screened by the manager (a spitting image of Mick Jagger) are extremely pleasing to the eye (he sure knows his women). It can be useful to have a friend working behind the bar as then the evening becomes decidedly more affordable.

O'NEILS IRISH PUB (Montpellier Ghetto)

(Review supplied by Flambe). O'Neils bar is a haven in the centre of Montpellier 'Ghetto' - where you can escape from the Prada wearing, cocktail slurping, latte quaffing undercalss that lurk amongst the caryatids. O'Neils exists, to be sure, in another dimension, where Ireland doesn't exist at all, but is transported into a thousand theme pubs across the world. The music is an assault on the ears, where the failures of Eurovision Song Contests are dredged up and inflicted on punters, who for some reason don't seem to mind.

The most excruciating thing about O'Neils is the time it takes to get a drink. Ask for a Guinness and they put you through torture of waiting for them to pour it in a glass in at least three stages (I could throttle the person who came up with the advert!). The bar staff (always cheerful) usually serve at least two customers before they proceed to the next stage of pouring, and you never quite know if they've forgotten your pint altogether. But somehow, by the time they squiggle the clover motif on the top of your drink and flashed a knowing Irish smile, all is forgiven and the night slip-jigs away into a green tinted blur.

THE PUMP & OPTIC PUBLIC HOUSE (Fairview)

(Review supplied by someone obviously a lot braver than me, although no name was given. This review WILL be taken down if Mr Pot Belly asks). As you wander in the Fairview district of Cheltenham you will encounter the Pump & Optic. It doesn't look much from the outside, but you have a treat in store when you enter for you will find the ugliest bar manager in Cheltenham. His huge pot belly is perfectly displayed trying to escape through his 70's T-Shirt. It is said his face was once the winner of the Most Branches Hit On The Way Down From The Ugly Tree competition and his motto is "service with a grimmace".

Once acclimatised to the heavy smoked atmosphere you can enjoy the lively banter of the locals and if you are suffering from a cold, you can clear those sinuses by taking a trip to the gents which is a test site for ICI's ammonia natural production facility.

PROVIDE YOUR OWN REVIEW

If you've had a fun-filled night out in a Cheltenham pub then let the whole world know about it. Surely there are more pubs outside the town centre than just those listed above, so do your bit for your town and send in a review of your local pub by typing your review into this form.

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THE BIT OF ADVERTISING YOU GET ON ALL SITES:
Cheltenham contains a lot of shops where you can get the latest entertainment products and be served by a human being. However, if you don't like personal interaction or simply want to purchase products at a cheaper price, then visit amazon.co.uk because, quite simply, they are all the best entertainment shops in Cheltenham rolled into one!